Part Two.

I arrived in Iowa on March 2nd. I was exhausted. My car was so fully loaded with a cargo bag on top loaded to the point of nearly bursting at the seems and every spare inch of space inside the car used up too that I couldn't go much over 45 - 50 mph for the entire trip. around 19-20 hours of driving time with two small kids, by the time you add in food breaks, potty breaks, and time to just stretch their legs so they didn't drive me insane, the trip took us around 23 hours. I drove it straight through, by myself. All I wanted was sleep. Fortunately Matt understood and his parents were just so excited to have grandkids that they were more than willing to take two very wound up children out to a family members farm to show them off and let them work of some of that energy while I restored my energy.....with a nice long nap!

Matt and I did alot of talking the first couple of days and decided that we were both still on the same page. We wanted to get married, we wanted to have babies, and we wanted to do it right away.....we didn't care what anyone else thought. We only had one problem. Even though he hadn't seen or heard from her in over 2 years, Matt was still legally married. Even though she was living with some other man half way across the country, she thought it would be more fun to cause even more problems and refused to sign the divorce papers. We filed papers with courts, we paid fees to have her served with papers, we put ads in the classifieds of her hometown paper like we were supposed to and in September the judge finally signed to divorce decree, without Matt's ex ever acknowleging the proceedings.

We started talking about our wedding plans right away. We set a date, and the planning began. Almost one month after his divorce finalized, I had even more good news for Matt. I couldn't wait for him to get home so I could tell him. We were pregnant! I was thrilled beyond belief. I spent the day planning exactly how I would tell him and daydreaming about his reaction. It didn't go exactly the way I planned though. When he got home from work he found me curled up in a ball in the middle of the livingroom floor sobbing hysterically. I was having so horrible cramps, and bleeding. I knew it was over. The beautiful, lying pregnancy test was still in the bathroom on the counter, waiting to surprise him when he went in to take his shower like he always did after work. Instead of celebrating a new life, we spent the evening mourning the loss of a baby.

The miscarriage really messed with me. I didn't want to face Matt. I felt like I had failed him. The stress was taking it's toll on us both. I ended up finding an apartment and moving out. It didn't take long for me to realize what a HUGE mistake that I had made. I didn't figure he would ever forgive me, but he did. We didn't move right back in together immediately, but he was at my place more than he was at his own. By the beginning of December we decided to live together again, and we both were in love with my apartment, so he moved in there. Within days, I recieved more news that nearly shattered me. My father was sick. I needed to come home.

The engine in my car had gone out so I had no transportation. I had no money either and I didn't know what to do. My aunt offered to pay for the tickets for me and the kids to come out on Amtrak. Matt drove me to the train station and we said goodbye. It was less than two weeks until our first Christmas together. I spent a week with my Dad, and he seemed to be doing much better. We found out that his bladder cancer had returned, but he insisted that I take my kids home so that they could have a good Christmas. After all, he'd beaten this once, he'd do it again. We exchanged gifts, and then said our goodbyes with promises of a visit in the spring. When I got back to the train station in Iowa Matt was waiting to pick me up. He took my bags, dropped to one knee and proposed. We were officially engaged, with a ring and everything.

I talked to my Dad several times over the next week, and he assured me he was eating well and doing great. In reality....he wasn't. On December 29th, my aunt called and told me she had rushed my Dad back to the hospital. He'd been having seizure type activity, and they had found out that his cancer was not only back, but it had spread. Their were ruptures in his bladder and his bowels. Infection was spreading. His body was slowly shutting down. The only way to fix it was to do surgery and close the ruptures. The problem with that was that he was too weak to do the surgery. The didn't know if they could help him, and the didn't know if I could make it home in time to see him. The first available train was on January 2nd. This time, when I said goodbye to Matt, we had no idea how long I would be gone.

By the time that I made it to WV, they had found that my father's cancer had spread. His heart, lungs, bladder, bowels, stomach, kidnesy, brain and bones were all affected. They told us we should call the family in. There was nothing to do now except for to make him as comfortable as possible. On January 17th two things happened. My sister gave birth to a son early that morning, and that afternoon, with the help of hospice, I brought my Dad home. He seemed to be doing extremely well, considering his condition. I never would have imagined that we had less than a week.