Holidays

Holidays are always hard on me. Between my 6 miscarriages and losing my dad (all in the past 3 years) I have a hard time with holidays period, but Memorial Day is my Dad's favorite holiday (and mine too) so it's one of the harder ones. Add in the fact that I had to cancel my long awaited vacation and this weekend was just destined to be a bad one.

Last Sunday they announced that they were going to be doing a dedication service this week for one of the new babies in the church. I love church. I love babies. I usually love dedication services but this one I had been dreading since they announced it. Then I woke up this morning and I'm spotting. No doubt about it, AF is going to be making her appearance tomorrow or the next day right on time. So I am ovulating late, have a short LP again, I'm out yet another month.....and I skipped church this morning. There was NO WAY I could sit through a dedication service today. I just don't have the strength.

We are going to the lake later for a cookout with friends. Their 4 year old is convinced there is a baby in my belly. I actually let that get my hopes up for this cycle. I should have realized it was just because she has a 6 month old brother. Or because I am fat. That's probably more like it. I carry my weight around my hips and stomach and I've really let myself go, so I guess if I was honest I probably do look pregnant. Especially to a 4 year old. I'm going to be working really hard to change that starting Tuesday. Tomorrow we are doing hamburgers on the grill and potato salad and stuff like that so I am going to enjoy the cookouts and then I am going to throw myself back into diet and exercise and get this weight off once and for all.

Once AF starts in force I am going to be taking my prenatal and my folic acid still. I am also adding my B6 back in for the LP and trying vitex. It's supposed to regulate your cycle and help you ovulate earlier. I've heard great things about it and I ordered it a few months ago but ehen never started it. Now I am going to try it. Hopefully it helps. Even if it just relieves some of my AF cramping and my PMS symptoms I'll consider it a success. (It is suppose to do all that.)